I still remember the powerful realization that saying “Yes” to things often came at the cost of saying “No” to the things and people that I loved.
I was addicted to opportunities, which I thought were endless. But they weren’t rooted in anything and in the long run, weren’t fulfilling.
We live in an instant gratification world, and when opportunities arise, you want to take advantage. It’s that fear of missing out (FOMO), a common impulse that can mislead us in our lives. In coaching and speaking to many high-capacity individuals, I have observed several of over-committal tendencies.
For many, the same reasons and patterns exist. More to come on this next week.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve developed a framework to help people deconstruct the behavior patterns and overcome commitment tendencies. This framework is called EgocakeTM. It exists to assist individuals to better understand their decision making process. And I have certainly been and continue to be a student of my own work.
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed with options, but by digging into the multiple layers of the EgocakeTM framework, you can accurately assess the distractions, the seemingly shiny opportunities and the commitments you have begrudgingly signed up for, that all rip you away from what you actually want to be doing.
The next step is deciding what to say “No” to in order to say “Yes” to the thing(s) that you really want to do.
According to recent Capacity-Creator-AssessmentTM 2019 data, those who scored highest in the Indulgent State of Capacity, ended up in the Fatigued State of Capacity immediately afterwards. That’s because once we get used to operating in Indulgent states of Capacity, 66% of us will end in Fatigued Capacity next. This means that two thirds of the high capacity people around you that are used to operating in Indulgent Capacity, will most likely need to take some time off to recover from their over committal tendencies. This is a dangerous state to be operating in. This results in lost productivity in our workplace and forever lost precious time with family members.
Q: How do we avoid spiraling down into the state of Fatigued Capacity you ask?
A: Here is a quick exercise from the EgocakeTM framework you can do to evaluate where you are allocating your capacity. It’s called The 3×3 formulaTM.
So whatever material you have in front of you, create 3 columns and try this out!
- Write down the top roles you play in your life (Parent, Professional, Spouse, Politician, Earth Steward, Volunteer, etc). Now narrow it down to top 3.
- For each role, write down a goal you want to achieve.
- To accomplish these goals, you need to create an action item, or a control to measure your success. Jot down what it is you will do to honour this role by way of achieving the goal.
We measure everything else in life. Our bank accounts, our weight, our calories, time, age, ingredients for a recipe….but we don’t take the time to measure our capacity. Therefore it gets allocated without much thought or intention.
Once we start to keep track of what it is we really value, The 3×3 FormulaTM, helps us keep our goals and intentions at the forefront which then provides us with a framework from which to say YES or NO to new opportunities, commitments and obligations that all require us to allocate our capacity to.
– Melanie
PS. Would love to know how you made out on this exercise. Please let me know by sending me an email at melanie@capacitycreator.com.
I love hearing from people and having these conversations! By the way, I am the only one who sees and answers my emails. No bots here!
PSS. If you haven’t already, take the capacity assessment here.
If you enjoyed the assessment,share this link to a friend and challenge to see how well they are optimizing their capacity!
AND, if you have already taken it and it’s been a while, hop on over and take again.
Our states are fluid and don’t always reside in the same state. You may find additional tips and tricks which are reveled immediately after you take the 3 minutes assessment.
