Is this you? Or someone you know?

Happy International Women’s Day everyone!

Now I am not talking about the flexibility or fashion statement in this picture.

I showed this picture to my 9 year old daughter and asked her what she saw. She looked at this picture in an almost instant admiration. But as she continued to share her thoughts out loud, it was clear she was becoming perplexed the more she stared at it.

She enthusiastically told me how this woman was doing the splits while reading AND, making a movie! (Impressive given this picture might be at least 50 years older than her).

But what came next was the kicker. She said “Mom, she should just pick one thing and focus on that. She doesn’t look happy doing all of those things.”

MIND.BLOWN.

Doesn’t stop here. I then showed my husband this picture a while later. I asked him what he thought of this picture. Ready for this?

He said: “A woman.” 
And I will leave that right there.

Whether you’re a woman, a man, gay, straight, gender neutral or trans, everyone has a certain amount of capacity.  And you are the only one in charge of it.

Are you aware that you are essentially training people on what to expect from you? If you constantly say YES and often agree to many commitments, people will start to expect you operate in an over-capacitated state. They will be more likely to ask things of you and expect you to say yes!
Thus creating a cycle of people-pleasing-dependency. 

Without fail, my clients who operate in an indulgent state of capacity, have strong tendencies to over-commit. Many times it’s because of the adrenaline hit they get when they are tasked to do something for someone else. They ultimately develop superhuman syndrome. 

AND THEY HAVE DIFFICULTY BREAKING THIS CYCLE.

There is hope! And it’s not as difficult as you think!

If you have a family member like this or colleagues or if you yourself have these tendencies, it’s time to change your language. 
Here are some key ways to say no and help others to respect their capacity:

Scenario 1: Saying no to your boss or colleague.

“I can see how important this is. Can we take a few minutes to review my
current priorities together?  My capacity is pretty stretched at the moment. There is a lot on the go right now and I want to honour all of my commitments. So I may have to put a
hold on something else in order to take this one on.”

Scenario 2: Saying no to other requests.

“Thanks for thinking of me for ________________ but I currently don’t have the capacity to
attend/accept/commit given the other commitments I have.”

Scenario 3: People wanting to pick your brain for “a minute”.

“I would love to talk, but my work schedule is very full right now. Please feel
free to book some time in my calendar for a coffee. Or, is your question
actually a quick one?”

Trusting this was helpful in respecting your capacity! Let me know if you have any other ways you manage to maximize your capacity!

With gratitude,
Melanie

PS. If you haven’t taken the assessment, OR want to take it again (if you’ve been working on your commitment tendencies), you can take it HERE.

P.S.S FREE Webinar to be hosted soon! I go deeper and reveal WHY we tend to over commit. Grab your seat HERE!